Science Fashion Tragedies Part II: Safety Goggles

Yesterday I was broadening my mind by reading stuff on the webby-net. One particularly mind-broadening web site that delighted me, dear readers, was one addressing those aspects of sartorial elegance that had allowed particular individuals to, as we would say in the biological sciences, "find a mate".

Maybe it was wishful thinking, but when I clicked through to this site, I thought I saw a sentence indicating that only the author "and the hottest scientists" are currently addressing this topic. Well, my little lab-rats, that's the clarion call of battle! Clearly another edition of Science Fashion Tragedies was called for.

The topic today addresses one item of science attire that currently guarantees the wearer exclusion from the afore-mentioned website: safety glasses. Let me elaborate...

In a wonderful example of research discovering the obvious, a small study here at the University of Sydney found that that science students (the male ones anyway) were more likely to be virgins that those in other schools. It's clear why: the poor bastards have to wear laboratory safety glasses. This particular form of sin against aesthetics is not only outstandingly ugly, it's uncomfortable too, resulting in an expression of pained distraction on the victim that is, unfortunately, about as far from a tempting "come hither" as possible.

So, my darling virgin science boys, what should you wear instead? Don't worry, there are options! While I'll grudgingly admit that some of them may be just a smidgen more expensive than, say, the free ones you get in class, it's important to remember that style often requires sacrifices.

Option 1:

These hot retro motorcycle goggles will get you noticed in all the right ways. Not only are these babies hot-looking, they're comfortable for hours. Everyone knows that bad girls and boys ride motorcycles, and who would have known that style like this is only US$23.95? Fake it 'til you make it, I say.

Of course, as a motorcycle rider, I don't exactly have to fake it...

Option 2:



Well, I never said I wouldn't mine the motorcycle vein for all it's worth. Option 1 is hot, but these are smoking! You'll make people's pants fall off with these ones! Not surprisingly, they're more expensive: about 70 GBP. But it would be worth the investment... oh yes.

Option 3:



This is the ticket if you're more surfy than motor enthusiast. Remember darlings, tint "reduces eye fatigue"! If you can't pull with these babies on, I'm not sure I can help you. For an investment of only about $40, they're your one way ticket to lovin', and they're Australian too.

So, having single-handedly solved one science fashion problem, and hopefully cleared up that nasty rash of virginity in the sciences, I'm signing off for this year. Have a wonderful Christmas!
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Science Fashion Tragedies Part I: The Lab Coat

Why is lab wear white, baggy, and supremely unflattering?

I suspect it's not the fashion sense of your standard science student at fault in this situation. Instead, I'm placing the blame fair on the shoulders of lab coat manufacturers. What lack of imagination on their part blinds them to the obvious need for an Evil Genius Lab Coat, or simply the Power Lab Coat (discrete shoulder pads and high collar) for those moments when we need to come across as supremely knowledgeable?

And the colour? Why white? It's black that is slimming! Australia is currently topping the charts when it comes to the proportion of obese people in our population, so a lab coat that doesn't scream "giant white whale" would seem like a sensible proposition.

Lab coats are there to protect our skin and clothes from chance exposure to chemicals and biological fluids when we get a bit too excited with the pipette. Theoretically, you need to be able to tear the coat off when sprinting for the emergency shower after you just covered yourself with acid. But this requirement doesn't seem like much of a barrier to lab coat diversity: thanks to the miracle of press-studs (or velcro for those that are after that hypercolor 80s inspired lab coat!) we could all be stylish and safe. Personally, I think I'd opt for a classic trench-coat inspired design, feminine and flattering, that would look good with the covered shoes (to be addressed later) that are also required for lab safety.

Lab-wear manufacturers, if you think that there is not enough demand for stylish lab wear to make this work, you're wrong. If someone can make money from ties with the periodic table on them, just imagine how much you'd make from stylish lab coats... a gift that scientists would actually like to receive!

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