Sheep disappears in shock murder mystery

In a world exclusive, The Appendix today uncovers a hoax that will shock the nation. After five years, we reveal the unthinkable… Dolly the sheep is alive and well, and living in the Faculty of Veterinary Science.

Dolly, a Finn-Dorset sheep, was catapulted to fame after her birth fifteen years ago as the first animal to be cloned from an adult somatic cell. At first, she enjoyed the attention she garnered as she held press conference after press conference on the media circuit and dazzled fans lining the red carpet. However, her enthusiasm faded in the wake of a series of cruel smear campaigns implying that she had an eating disorder reported after a series of wild fluctuations in her weight. After a brief period of respite in the Betty Ford Clinic, Dolly returned home and quickly fell pregnant to a bad-boy Welsh Mountain Ram known only as Sanchez.

Five years after the birth of her triplets, she had disappeared into obscurity. Compromising photos of her dancing naked in a notorious Soho nightclub precipitated a second media frenzy. Dolly’s behaviour grew increasingly erratic. Unable to cope with the glare of the spotlight, Dolly cut her hair shockingly short and then disappeared into seclusion again. Shortly afterwards, she was reported dead from ‘progressive lung disease’.

However, a chance encounter in the sheep unit prompted intrepid investigative work by the Editors of The Appendix. “When I saw that woolly coat and yellow eyes, I just knew it had to be her. She has aged a little, but there’s no hiding a face that famous.” Dolly is, in fact, still alive, and currently living in hiding in the Faculty of Veterinary Science (Camperdown). Dolly refused to comment on this story, but sources close to her suggest that “She just wants to live her life as a normal sheep. After her disastrous relationship with Sanchez, Ryan [a merino ram, the love of Dolly’s life] really grounds her, and they have made their home here together.”

Dolly herself seems unaware of the implications of her choice. When we delved deeper into the “official story”, the truth became increasingly sinister. Not only was Dolly’s death faked, but the body displayed in the Royal Museum of Scotland may be that of a victim of this foul conspiracy. We have little doubt that this is the body of a sheep that tried to tell the true story.


The body of an unknown sheep was substituted for Dolly at the Royal Museum of Scotland.